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Michael Castleman MA
Alles über Sex
SEX
Warum ältere Frauen (Cougars) Sex mit jüngeren Männern (Cubs) suchen
Ein Hauptgrund, warum ältere Frauen Beziehungen zu jüngeren Männern eingehen, ist besserer Sex.
Gepostet am 2. Januar 2020 | Bewertet von Gary Drevitch
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Es gab schon immer Paare, die aus älteren Frauen (Cougars) und deutlich jüngeren Männern (Cubs) bestanden, aber diese Beziehungen wurden 2009 mit der Premiere der TV-Show „Cougar Town“ zum Mainstream. Dann wurde Emmanuel Macron 2017 zum Präsidenten von Frankreich gewählt, und die Medien feierten die Tatsache, dass seine Frau, seine ehemalige Lateinlehrerin an der High School, 24 Jahre älter war. Es überrascht nicht, dass sich Sexologen kürzlich mit dem Phänomen der Pumajungen befasst haben.
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„Drehbuch-trotzender“ Sex
Ein französischer Forscher führte Tiefeninterviews mit 55 Frauen im Alter von 30 bis 60 Jahren, die mit deutlich jüngeren Männern zusammen waren. Ihre Partnerwahl betraf mehrere Faktoren, unabhängig von ihrem Altersunterschied: Aussehen, Intelligenz , Freundlichkeit, familiärer Hintergrund und Sinn für Humor . Aber die jüngeren Männer machten ihren älteren Partnern auch ein willkommenes Geschenk – Sex, der sich dem Drehbuch widersetzte.
„Skript“ bezieht sich auf sexuelle Skripte, der sexologische Begriff für kulturell akzeptierte Verallgemeinerungen über das Liebesspiel, was die meisten Menschen für konventionell und normal halten. Zu den vorherrschenden sexuellen Skripten gehören:
Männer Lust. Frauen wollen sich begehrt fühlen.
„Sex“ bedeutet Fellatio und Geschlechtsverkehr, vielleicht mit ein bisschen Cunnilingus.
Männer sollten Sex orchestrieren. Frauen sollten ihrem Beispiel folgen.
Frauen kommen während des Geschlechtsverkehrs.
Diese Skripte mögen weithin akzeptiert werden, aber sie sind ernsthaft falsch:
Ja, die große Mehrheit der Frauen möchte sich begehrt fühlen. Darüber hinaus erleben einige – schätzungsweise 5 bis 10 Prozent – auch lebenslange männliche Lust. Viele Pumas sagten, sie seien von Freunden und früheren gleichaltrigen Liebhabern wegen ihrer lustvollen Libido verunglimpft worden.
Sex equals fellatio and intercourse with a little cunnilingus in one key realm—pornography. Porn shows almost constant penis worship, but comparatively little (if any) cunnilingus. This seriously deludes men about women and lovemaking. Gentle, extended clitoral caressing—particularly cunnilingus—is key to most women’s orgasms and erotic satisfaction. Many cougars said they’d tried unsuccessfully to persuade similar-aged lovers to provide oral. They found cubs more open to instruction and much less resistant to providing extended cunnilingus every time. As a result, the women were more consistently orgasmic than many had been with age-matched lovers, and reported greater sexual satisfaction.
When men orchestrate partner sex, they work up to orgasms around 95 percent of the time. But depending on the study, women’s rate of partner-sex orgasms is only 50 to 70 percent, no matter how long it lasts or how large the erection. As just mentioned, in cougar-cub relationships, the women insist on extended cunnilingus, which helps them climax. And most cubs appreciate having experienced teachers who clue them into the fine points of pleasuring women and helping them come.
When TV and movies depict intercourse, after a few thrusts, both lovers come. Actually, only around 25 percent of women are consistently orgasmic from intercourse alone. The other 75 percent need kissing, cuddling, whole-body massage, genital hand massage, and especially cunnilingus. Compared with men their own age or older, cougars say cubs are more teachable, and therefore, preferable partners.
Finally, in the study, the cougars appreciated their young bucks’ sexual energy and stamina, including their ability to raise new erections soon after ejaculating so the couple could go second and sometimes even third rounds.
While the cougars in the study placed great value on cunnilingus, they did not reject intercourse. On the contrary, they wanted it every time. But they also wanted generous cunnilingus—and made sure their cubs provided it.
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Cougar-Cub Sex When the Men Are Minors: Is It Child Abuse?
Many cubs are legal adults—say, 55 year-old women with 30-year-old men. But some cubs are barely teenagers. If a 30-year-old man has sex with a 12-year-old girl, she’s a victim, he’s a pedophile, and most Americans would support locking him up. But if a 30-year-old woman has sex with a 12-year-old boy, is she a pedophile?
In the case of Mary Kay Letourneau, the court thought so. In 1996, Letourneau was a married, 34-year-old elementary schoolteacher in Burien, Washington, when she began a consensual sexual relationship with her then-12-year-old student, Vili Fualaau. The following year, she gave birth to their daughter.
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When Letourneau’s husband discovered their affair, he divorced her. Then a relative of his took additional action. He called the police. In a plea bargain, Letourneau was sentenced to six months in jail on the condition that she never see Fualaau again. A month after her release, police caught the two together and she was sentenced to seven years in prison.
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In 2004 when Letourneau was released, Fualaau was 20, an adult who could legally consent to sex. He petitioned the court to rescind the no-contact order. His request was granted. The couple married in 2005 and had another child. “I always wanted the relationship,” Fualaau said, “I was never a victim. I’m fine.”
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Until the late 1970s, the legal system typically ignored sexual relationships involving cougars and underage boys based on the belief that they caused no harm. Since then, cultural sentiments have changed. If cougars bed underage boys, the courts treat them as sex offenders. But when cougars get busted for sex with minors, they’re much less likely than comparable men to go to prison, and if imprisoned, they serve shorter sentences.
Meanwhile, the vast majority of men with histories of cougar-cub relationships believe there’s nothing wrong with them. In one study, almost two-thirds of adult men who, as minors, had sex with adult women felt fine about it. Many expressed gratitude for their sexual initiation and the erotic instruction they’d received. Of those who felt less than positive, 33 percent felt neutral. Only 5 percent said they’d been abused.
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How do you feel about cougar-cub relationships? If adult women have sex with male minors, do you think it’s child sex abuse?
References
Alarie, M. “Sleeping with Younger Men: “Women’s Accounts of Interplay in Age-Hypogamous Intimate Relationships,” Journal of Sex Research (2019) epub ahead of print.
Hines, D.A. and D. Finkelhor. “Statutory Sex Crime Relationships Between Juveniles and Adults: A Review of Social Scientific Research,” Aggression and Violent Behavior (2007) 12:300.
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About the Author
Michael Castleman, M.A., is a San Francisco-based journalist. He has written about sexuality for 36 years.
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